About Me

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I'm Carole, living in London, happily married and mum to two amazing boys.I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Rectal Cancer in April 2010. Surgery took place in November 2010 and I now have a permanent colostomy...Spinal mets were then diagnosed in October 2011...In January 2012 I was told of further spread to the hip area (multiple lesions)..My life expectancy is now 6-9 months. Walk alongside me on the last part of my experience with this..

Friday, 20 August 2010

A Year Apart......

I'm fully aware of the fact that I've been looking (and at times, feeling) seriously crap since all this blasted cancer thing started...

Now I'm posting some pictures here and I want opinions - honest ones - so if you've got nothing good to say, best just stay quiet eh LOL :-)

This was taken a year ago....obviously I had cancer then but I had no idea.




This next one was taken about a month ago, after having Radiotherapy and after I'd burned, ulcerated and felt so depressed that I couldn't even face the day - even though I HAD to of course




Then this one was taken today, a month after I started taking my supplements, following my healthy diet plan, getting some sunshine and walking for exercise...



So the question is, are you starting to see any improvements yet or am I still looking seriously crap?
I think I'm starting to see improvements, I definitely have more energy than a few months ago but then I wonder if it's in my head and if I still look like a really ill cancer person to everyone else?

21 comments:

  1. Hi Carole
    Honest opinions...

    Pic no. 1 - Gorgeous lady with her gorgeous boy. everything's just tickety boo. Not a care in the world.

    Pic no. 2 - Gorgeous lady during hellish treatment, stressed to hell, fed up, sporting the 'cancer is a sod' look.

    Pic no. 3 - Gorgeous lady after hellish treatment, starting to get her strength back, starting to get a smile back, sporting the 'cancer is a sod but I'm going to show it what I'm made of' look.

    You're gorgeous in all those pictures, Carole.
    I remember looking in the mirror half way through chemo with my baldy head, no eyebrows, no eyelashes, gaunt face and pixie ears and thinking 'bloody hell - who is that cancer victim?!' Next day, the wig went on, the lippy and a bit of eyeliner...

    You're doing so well, girl - and you seriously do look great in that 3rd picture.
    Keep smiling

    Shents xxxxx

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  2. Thank you hun - I'm starting to feel like I'm going to get there eventually and one day I may even feel normal again xx

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  3. Yo Carole,

    Exactly what she said...

    Defo improvement between the 2nd and 3rd and you know what lights up that lovely face...your smile, albeit a little tentative and apprehensive.

    Picture 2 you look so sad and pretty much the same as my 'sitting on the sofa feeling sorry for myself' photo...It is a desperate look, full of sadness and bewilderment..I can imagine the words going through your head..."Why me!" - "What does the future hold" - "Will I get through this"...

    Picture 3 - Hold that thought as there is a defo spark...you are on the way back up although still have a fair bit going on behind those eyes...

    Keep going dear friend...you will feel normal again one day, just that normal may be a bit different than it is today.

    T xxx

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  4. Sis,
    1st pic
    No air brushing required on the big day as I saw you in person and you looked great and the happiest I'd seen in a long time. Your family and close friends have all known that you have struggled with your health on and off over the last 10 years or so.

    2nd pic
    A bit worn out with all the stress, worry and treatment. But still looking okay as its a taken at home pic. I can relate to this look as everyone always says we are alike in appearance and if I could post a pic on here of what I look like in the morning that would cheer you up for sure!

    3rd pic
    Smile, hair and general look is amazing. I have to say, when I came over to see you after five months I was expecting "the cancer look" but I think going through this illness has made you stronger, (even though you may not feel it at times) I saw it in your eyes. Also, your heathly food diet for my stay in UK did me some good too. Keep up the good work sis and you have now encouraged me to eat well. I bought brown rice and brown lentils today. I'll send you the receipe.
    big hugs
    lit sis
    xxxxx

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  5. Honestly?

    1. Lovely

    2. Bloody awful!

    3. Lovely. Not as lovely as No. 1, but a HUGE improvement on No. 2.

    So yes, you are seeing an improvement. Which is fantastic. xx

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  6. I was also desperate to be back to my normal self again. I posted an entry in my blog entitled 'normal service will be resumed soon.' I didn't realise just how much my family wanted me back to normal too.
    You will get there eventually, Carole - keep going darl.
    Shents xx

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  7. I heartily agree with all the comment so far and wish to add that the amazing beauty within is matched only by your divine countenance which you are maintaining with a brave and sensible approach to your daily regime. Keep smiling through the tears.

    David xxx

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  8. oh Carole, I didn't realize you were going through all this.
    you look so much better on the last picture honestly you do
    keep up the positive thoughts, and keep smiling, you will get through this :D

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  9. I notice you seem to have very recently had a birthday. When was that then, 'cos obviously I missed it! And dunno who took your new profile pic but they are obviously a damn fine photographer. Lucky it wasn't the ditzy bint who took loads of photos of your wedding day for you without a film in her camera! :-) xxxx

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  10. OK You asked !!
    Pic 1 gorgeous confident woman.(love the dress)holding her fab son,We always smile more when we hold our children.
    Pic 2 Battered and bruised confidence.Looking scared and lonely
    Pic 3.Gorgeous not quite as confident but also a look of serenity.
    You are as lovely outside as inside and that is very lovely indeed !!!

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  11. Hi Sarahmumof3, So nice to see you here :-)

    I'm looking at your pic & thinking OMG THAT'S 'little' Mikey - LOL, where's your baby gone?

    Thank you hun for the lovely message
    Much luv, Carole xx

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  12. Hi Lou,

    Yes you are a bit notorious for forgetting film in cameras eh...think 'Gran Canaria' :-))

    Digital was designed just for you I believe xxx

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  13. Rose,
    Thank you for your lovely words...it's true I do always smile more when I'm with either of my boys. Soooo, the next one I post will be with Dj or J and we'll see then if there's even more of an improvement :-)

    How's that lovely horizontal little Grandaughter?
    I hope she's still as laid back as she was prior to entering this world xx

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  14. Hello, i think you are looking really a lot better.
    Good luck and carry on as you are it is working, love Debbie (Kentmum)

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  15. Hi Debbie :-)

    Lovely to see you here and thank you for your very positive comment.
    Much luv xxx

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  16. the years seem to fly past, mikey is 3 already, jake 8 and chloe 7! Jake is still struggeling with his reading and writing although he IS improving, i read through all your posts earlier and was pleased to hear Dj is doing amazingly well with his reading now, both your boys are such a credit to you.
    I'm so glad I found your blog and I truely do wish you well, I will keep checking back here so you make sure you keep at the updates, your such a amazing women and I really admire your strength through this and being able to write it all down so well, you truely are an inspiration. Everyone is thinking of you and sending you good vibes :) xxxx

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  17. you look bloody awful mate it has to be said ;) but its to be expected, and to be totally honest, there is definitely an improvement on the last picture. You look like a woman fighting back who will get there by sheer determination if nothing else. I can see a spark reappearing. we are all thinking of you. Tracy xxx

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  18. Thank you Tracy....sometimes you look at yourself and think 'I AM getting there, I 'think'...'

    BUT it's hard to know if you're just seeing what you want to see (if that makes sense).

    I do feel better, I have energy, no pain any more, I feel like I'm sorting it out - but it's nice to hear others say 'Yes, definitely can see something going on'....:-)
    Much luv xxxx

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  19. Hi Carol, I've loved reading your blog, (sorry, that doesn't sound quite right), but you are sounding so positive now, and I'm loving it!

    I'm still with Laurence, I think that last time we spoke, we had just had our 1st date. 3 years on, we're planning to move in together which means I will be moving to Hampshire.

    It's so lovely to see pics of James and Leeanne and DJ, I can't believe that he's off to senior school in sept.

    Keep up the good work Carol, you're doing so well

    Lots of Love

    Clare

    PS Please can borrow your book on DIY brain surgery?

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  20. Hiya Clare,

    'Loved reading it' does sound absolutely fine to me :-)

    When I started writing this, I had no idea if anyone apart from me would even want to read it (plus it's such a personal part of the body - we're not so good at discussing 'bums' in the UK) but it's good to hear that you, and others, have found it interesting to read.

    All exciting stuff going on with Laurence - I'm so happy it's worked out so well for you Clare. You deserve to be happy and looked after.

    I shall email you to get the rest of the gossip with him, the kids and all the rest
    Lotsaluv xxx

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