About Me

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I'm Carole, living in London, happily married and mum to two amazing boys.I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Rectal Cancer in April 2010. Surgery took place in November 2010 and I now have a permanent colostomy...Spinal mets were then diagnosed in October 2011...In January 2012 I was told of further spread to the hip area (multiple lesions)..My life expectancy is now 6-9 months. Walk alongside me on the last part of my experience with this..

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

New appointment date?

Noooooo....not yet

Despite the fact that I was told on Friday that someone from appointments would contact me on Monday to give me a new appointment, I've not heard anything yet.
Today I contacted them and asked for details of my rescheduled op, to be told 'No, there is no date yet - you need to ring back, maybe try again tomorrow'...

So, that's what I'll do then - ring back tomorrow. Sleep on the stress again and hope that by tomorrow someone realises that to go through with this I NEED to (re) prepare MENTALLY and to do that I need to be made aware of when it's all happening....

Apart from that I'm feeling quite fed up this evening as I've now heard about 5 people in the last 5 days whose cancer has returned....Had a long telephone chat with a friend last night about her mum moving to Stage 4 after being clear for two years now :-(
This was after finding out about 3 other people over the previous 3 days - two who had been 'clear' for over 3 years and one who has just been newly diagnosed.

I said to Rab afterwards it just feels like it's all the time we're hearing about someone else either being diagnosed or re-diagnosed

Then this afternoon someone else I've come to regard as a good friend told me that there is a chance that their cancer has returned in a new spot.

I'm feeling like it doesn't even seem to matter about how hard you fight this bastard thing, or how strict you are on diet, or how determined you are to get through and get rid of it, or how positively you face things - IT calls all the shots, we are simply spectators...and that's how I'm feeling tonight.
Sad, angry and frustrated with the whole thing called cancer.


  1. Yes Carole, that's how I feel on my bad days too. But really, the only way IT can be in control is if you feel like that every day, which I don't believe you do. I mostly manage to turn my mood by thinking "Pretend I have 6 months left - shall I be miserable for another 6 months, or just enjoy or at least not find fault with everything?".

    Then there's the 3 day rule - you can be miserable, cry, shout, sulk, stay in your PJs for a maximum of 3 days when things aren't going well. On the 4th day you have to get up, dress up and get on with it. Lucky me I can't go 4 days without a hospital appointment lately so I have to get dressed - I refuse to look like a mess even if I'm feeling one.

    Hang in there, I need the morale support x

  2. Having just returned from visiting my old air force buddy in the Cotswolds where my last vision was him with his arm and the floor beside him splattered with his own blood, and then to receive a answerphone message from my trial team to say that for the second succesive time my chemicals are not ready for tomorrow's chemo session which is now postponed a couple of hours again, I can so empathise with your feelings Carole. My plight is chickenfeed compared to yours and Ian's situation but I wonder sometimes why we bother to prolong the agony. Rant over and back to making sure that at least I can be positive in he face of others' ineptitude. Wishing you, Ian (starting his radio/chemo tomorrow) and myself a better day tomorrow.

    love and hugs all round

    David [X]

  3. This is just not funny at all! After all the stress of accepting that you have to go through with this bloody operation, they now can't make it easy for you! I hope you sort them out tomorrow!

    As for the fight with cancer, you are winning sis, your diet has helped you feel like you have more energy and your photo is a major improvement from February this year! It must be hard to stay positive and whatever life throws at us we have to face it. Life is shi* sometimes but its the only life we have, so we have to make the most of it. Easier said than done though.
    love you lots, lit sis xxxxx

  4. Carole, I really do feel that this fiasco with the surgery schedule is just not fair. Far too much stress and uncertainty. My heart goes out to you.
    How do we beat this 'bastard?' All the more reason I choose carefully where my donations go. Are we really further advanced in prevention and treatment?
    In my thoughts as you play the waiting game xo

  5. I know how you feel,sometimes I think that it is not worth all the bother ,then i remember all the people who would give anything for 1 more day and feel very guilty,but it does drag us down when it is ongoing.I hope you get your date soon and you can all move on.Huge hugs to you all.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  6. Lisa,
    Thank you and you're right, I don't feel like letting it be in control everyday - just yesterday it felt as though IT wins way too many times..Today, I'm back to kicking it's arse again...
    As long as I'm around I'll always be there to give you moral support, you're one of the bravest people ever, a real inspiration to me xxx

  7. David, hugs to you....and your situation is definitely NOT 'chicken feed'.

    I'm hoping we *all* had better days today?

    The occasional rant definitely does help eh :-)
    Much luv xxx

  8. Thanks Sis, I'm no nearer to sorting it all out yet - but eventually eh :-)

    Looked into the price of flights to Rhodes today for the half term week but way too expensive at the moment. I'll stick to the original plan and head over for Easter - depending on how things are of course.

    Lou, thanks for the hugs - much appreciated xx

    Chez, Thanks for the kind thoughts...
    I'm dealing with it all a little better today. Just think that yesterday was a 'sh*t' day, back to normal now xxx

  9. Thank you Rose, it can get a bit draining but we'll be okay :-)

    Hope your virus has cleared up and you're starting to feel a little better
    Hugs back xxxx

  10. Sis, Don't worry about cost sis as this ones on me and I want you to come when you are ready. What times the flight!!! :)
    Anyway look forward to seeing you very soon in UK. The end of the season is almost here! But if they put off your op any longer at least I'll get a taste of Rab's Christmas dinner!
    hugs xxxx

  11. Carole;
    I am going to do exactly what your friend Loopy suggests stay in bed with your PJ's for 3 days then on the 4rh get up..Like that idea a lot.
    Carole I am so sorry you are getting the run around with your appointments. It's difficult enough dealing with the disease only having to put up with inefficiency.. I will keep my fingers crossed that soon soon you will have your date.. Love Alli.....xx