About Me

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I'm Carole, living in London, happily married and mum to two amazing boys.I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Rectal Cancer in April 2010. Surgery took place in November 2010 and I now have a permanent colostomy...Spinal mets were then diagnosed in October 2011...In January 2012 I was told of further spread to the hip area (multiple lesions)..My life expectancy is now 6-9 months. Walk alongside me on the last part of my experience with this..

Friday, 5 November 2010

Been snappy and grumpy...

Been in a crap mood for these last few days. Everything has irritated me or just made me feel like I want to shout at someone :-(

Unfortunately for Dj he's decided to pick this week to also be a little grump (probably feeding off my stress).
Today, for the first time in the last 4 days, I didn't end up yelling at him for being cheeky, annoying, back-chatting or just really being a typical 11 yr old.
Today I bit my tongue and told him he'll be losing his Xbox for weeks if he continues with the back-chat.
He snapped out 0f it within 5 minutes - Don't you just love the power of technology :-)

At this rate he'll be glad to see the back of me for a few weeks......

Hospital appointments department rang today to 'remind' me about my operation next week...almost said 'Really? I'd completely forgotten all about it' :-))

So the current plan is that the ward sister will contact me on Sunday to confirm they have a bed (sigh) and if so, confirm what time I should aim to get there by on Monday to start my prep.

I want to run away and hide somewhere where no-one can find me - but I can't, unfortunately...


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14 comments:

  1. Debby5 November 2010 at 00:58

    I remember those days. It's a stressful time. Give yourself a bit of a break. You're standing in the middle of one hell of a storm right now.

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  2. Cheryl5 November 2010 at 01:55

    Carole, come YELL @ me my friend. You have every right to be 'bloody minded!'
    I will be so happy when this is all over for you. Hang in there. Just do the best you can. Yes! I am sure you have your hospital bag packed and ready. Do you think they have forgotten they reneged on the previous deal.
    Thinking of you xo

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  3. Sarah5 November 2010 at 11:17

    Its okay to be grumpy, everyone understands including DJ. Sis, thinking about you every minute of the day now, I want to come and take you away from all of this too, but.... "OLA THA PANA KALA" (everything will be good) After Tuesday you will be on the slow road to your recovery. Good riddance to the cancer!! We don't want to ever see him again as he's not welcome! love you lots sis xxxxxx

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  4. Fiona5 November 2010 at 14:14

    Hi Carole
    When I get worried or scared I withdraw from the world into my 'shell' which makes me seem to be navel gazing and not interested in anyone but myself. Our lovely sensitive boys turn to unaccustomed irritating behaviour to get our attention when all we want is the whole thing to hurry up be over and to be back to how things were before. Give him lots of reassuring hugs and it's ok to admit you are just as scared as he probably is.
    Fiona

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  5. Candide5 November 2010 at 18:21

    That's why you haven't answered my text then is it, you miserable old bat??!!!

    Thinking of you. Love you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  6. Nicky Barrow5 November 2010 at 19:56

    Oh Carole, you must feeling absolutely terrified.I really feel for you. Don't worry about feeling grumpy. You're not grumpy you're bloody scared and rightly so. If you possibly can, please focus on the fact that the horrible little monster inside of you will be hung , drawn and quartered come Monday, and you honey, will have a new lease of life. As I said in my previous message, you really have helped others affected by cancer, both sufferers and their loved ones alike, we wouldn't be following your blog otherwise! You must have amazing strength of character to be juggling your family life, this awful illness and the dedication to helping others via your blog. Allow yourself to be scared (and angry), there's no shame in that, but try to save a little anergy to focus on the ultimate reward. A future with those you love and love you back. Good luck Carole, I hope your op gives you minimal discomfort and a speedy recovery. Loads of hugs. Nicky xxxx

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  7. shents5 November 2010 at 22:26

    Snappy and grumpy - all good signs that you are psyched and prepared.
    I didn't realise how snappy and grumpy I'd been during the time of 'waiting for results' etc until way afterwards when 6 year old said 'MUM! Don't wear that shirt, that's your shouty shirt!' I had thought it was my 'lucky' shirt. I'd worn it for all my results etc. Obviously a stressful time which I thought I'd managed to hide from the kids - but you can't hide ANYthing from kids!
    Perfectly natural for Dj to be a grump - he'll be anxious too - but everything's going to be ok - different - but ok
    xxxxxx

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  8. Carole6 November 2010 at 01:08

    Thanks everyone for the support - I tried my hardest to put grumpy cow to bed tonight and somehow managed to pull it off.
    Think it helped that James and Leanne were here tonight and they make it all feel normal - big thanks to them as always xxx

    Thank you all for the kind comments, for letting me know it's okay to be pee'd off about this and it's okay to feel scared. I *am* both....:-(

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  9. cybershot6 November 2010 at 06:38

    You wouldn't be that lovely lady we've all come to love and trust if you didn't have these normal human reactions to such adversity dearest Carole. Knowing the fear and anguish wiil never completely disappear, we, I am sure, all share this anxious period with you and hope our thoughts and words ease the tension a litle from time to time.

    loadsaluv

    David [C] xxx

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  10. Sheri6 November 2010 at 10:08

    It's totally okay to be scared. Surgery was the scariest part of the whole cancer thing for me. You're in my thoughts. Big hugs!!!

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  11. Paula6 November 2010 at 13:04

    It is fine to be totally grumpy at a time like this and as we all know scared it natural as well.

    As much as we try to be superhuman and try to forget and carry on it is always with us and if you have to have a little shout at someone close to you to get through the day they understand and take it on the chin (most of the time!!)

    I will be thinking of you on Monday and will look forward to seeing your updates on here soon.

    Love Paula xx

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  12. Rose Mary Saraiva6 November 2010 at 18:21

    Carole,

    Thinking of you. You have every right to be 'grumpy,' I know I wouldn't be very pleasant. But I know you will do just fine, and DJ will be a great help to you. And like your sister said, you will get rid of the cancer. Take care, wishing you all the best on Monday, and praying for you and for a speedy recovery. Love, Rose Mary. Here's sending you a great big hug!!! xoxoxo

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  13. Carole6 November 2010 at 22:59

    Thank you again to everyone for the lovely supportive comments.

    I'm too emotional at the moment to answer each one but just wanted to say that knowing you are all there rooting for me really does help immensely.
    Much luv to you all xxxxx

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  14. Anonymous6 November 2010 at 23:06

    wait till he has things like phones, ipods etc, extra threatage ;)
    Hope all goes to plan next week carole
    Tracy xxx

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