About Me

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I'm Carole, living in London, happily married and mum to two amazing boys.I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Rectal Cancer in April 2010. Surgery took place in November 2010 and I now have a permanent colostomy...Spinal mets were then diagnosed in October 2011...In January 2012 I was told of further spread to the hip area (multiple lesions)..My life expectancy is now 6-9 months. Walk alongside me on the last part of my experience with this..

Sunday, 20 November 2011

Radiotherapy done .........

All last week, Monday to Friday I had Radiotherapy daily. I have been warned that the side effects will probably increase for the next 7-10 days then hopefully ease off and take the pain along with it. The best case scenario will be no pain after this - middle ground will be some pain remains but is manageable with pain relief - worst scenario is that it does nothing to ease things.
Hopefully in about 10 days I'll be back here saying 'Wow! out of pain and feeling good' :)

Other news:

Went back to work on Tuesday last week and also managed to get in on Wednesday for a couple of hours. Sitting upright is bloody painful for long periods but I managed to get back for a few hours at least.
Planning on also getting into work this week - pain permitting.

Sarah, my little sister, is coming over on Saturday and I'm really looking forward to seeing her. I've not seen her since March when I was over there. I'm not sure how long she's staying over here at the moment but however long it is I'm really looking forward to spending some time with her and catching up properly.

Have now had a chat with Dj about the latest developments. He handled it really well, didn't cry just said he hates f*&$ing cancer and no, I didn't tell him off for swearing either! Bad mother eh :)

I told him because he asked about the amount of hospital appointments I've had recently and because he was already aware of the intense pain I was in every day recently. He knew I'd been off work again for the past two weeks and asked me at the end of last week what they were doing at the hospital about my back.
I told him that I was going to have 5 sessions of Radiotherapy to see if it could ease the pain....he seemed to just accept that and said he hoped it would help.

Around 5 minutes later he came back and said 'If you're having Radiotherapy does that mean the cancer is now in your back?'.....I told him that Yes, it was now in my spine and it was this that is causing the pain...He said again that he hoped it would help, then he stared me straight in the eyes and said 'This means you're terminal now then'........
I said what it means is that they can't cure the cancer now, but there are things they want to try - such as Radiotherapy and a drug that will help repair the bone damage...
He then said that if I was 'terminal' then that meant I'd die.......
I told him that Yes, it does mean that, eventually - eventually this cancer will 'get' me and yes, I will die BUT not today, I told him I'm not going to go to bed tonight to die (well, at least that's not the plan so far) but that eventually, in the future,  they would have to say there wasn't anything left to try and THEN we can worry about terminal. He asked me to promise that when they say this I tell him and don't pretend things are okay...I agreed. He didn't cry but I could see that he was struggling not to :(
This was when he said he hated f*&$ing cancer and I didn't reprimand him for it. Like I said, bad mother but I'm the best he's got :)

Since then things have been normal here - he's still spending too long on his Xbox or PC and less time on homework than we'd like, but he's happy and showing no signs of being overly stressed at the moment. So, all is good here.

Rab's been brilliant - he's doing the vast majority of housework, working full time, shopping and never complaining about how much he now has to do. I do what I can, when I can but I've been accepting my limits at the moment.
The thought of spinal breakage really stresses me - I'm aware that I now run the risk of snapping something and don't even want to think about where that leaves me - so, I'm accepting that I can do less and Rab will do what needs doing.
Many times in the past I've read about partners who leave because they can't deal with the stress, the continuing illness, or the extra demands on them - many times I've thought how utterly selfish these people are and rarely do I remember how lucky I am - so today, it's about remembering how lucky I am to have Rab who tries to make things easier (and gets the brunt of my bad moods as thanks!)
I hope one day he reads my blog and realises how much I did appreciate him :)

Catch up soon xx


  1. Hey Carole,

    Amazing blog entry as usual...I enjoyed our little chat. I don't know if you realise how much it means to me to have you as a friend and how much it means to me to have the straightforward advice. Your honesty with DJ is pretty much how you talk with me and others. No use telling people stuff you think they want to hear as we haven't enough time for the bullX*&^

    Chim Up and will speak soon!

    Tony xxxx

  2. Sending big hugs to you, to Rab and to our little pal Dj.

    Really glad your sister is coming over next week.

    Tell Dj that I f@**ing hate cancer too.


  3. Hey Carole, well done for clearly being a wonderful mother and wife, as well as a wonderful human being! None of us is immortal but remember nothing's set in stone about what carries us off even with a 'terminal' diagnosis so still look up before you walk under ladders, ha ha! The important thing is to try and get that pain under control...hate the thought of you suffering.

  4. Hi Carole,
    I'm sure Rab knows how you feel without reading your blog, your far to nice to be in a bad mood 'all the time' lol,

    And as for your Dj, he's got a wonderful mother, not a bad one at all. he'll grow into a fine young man one day of that i'm sure, and it'll all be down to what your teaching him now,

    Take Care Carole,
    Lynn x

  5. Hello, my wonderful friend! Glad to know the radio is over. Fingers crossed that it produces the results we're all praying for.

    Dj is amazing. But then he (and James) have an amazing mum. And Rabah, well he continues to come up trumps and is an absolute star. And a rock. Or possibly a rock star!

    Soon be the weekend. Looking forward to catching up with you and Sarah soon. Love you. xxxxxxx

  6. Hi Carole,
    Hope that this radiotherapy works!
    Well done Rab.....(hugs).
    Dj is quite right! F$*&ing cancer!
    You are a brilliant Mum!
    I am sure that you will have a ball when Sarah gets here.
    Thinking of you, as always!

  7. Hope the pain starts to ease soon.

    So many hurdles keep being placed in front of you, and you continue to leap them with guts and style. If there was an Olympic Gold medal for what you are dealing with, you'd get my vote to stand on top of the podium.

    Hugs ((o))

  8. Hey Carole,

    I am glad you made it through the radiation and I know it will work for you. I have heard a lot of people who talk about the radiation helping out a lot and very quickly at that. That is a tough conversation with children and one that we don't look forward to at all with our kids. Certainly can't reprimand the child for cursing cancer when we curse it ourselves . . .

    Sheri scheduled her next scan today and so we will see if this 3rd change in treatments is going to finally work out. Sheri tells me how much she appreciates me and it does mean a lot. I am sure Rab knows you appreciate him even if he does not read this blog. You ladies don't keep secrets very well, you know. :-)

    I do enjoy reading your posts and sharing in your fight for whatever my part is.

    Keep your chin up,


  9. Carole it's good to know you have great family support for back up and to help do those things you shouldn't.
    These times are so hard on children. I know even with my remission currently my son still has a hard time dealing with cancer. We just have to help them through the humps..
    Love Alli XX

  10. Carole,
    I'm glad you were able to talk with DJ. It makes it harder to deal with the stress when you are trying to hide things from those closest to you. Tell Rab that he is doing a fantastic job! I know all to well what he has on his plate. It is one of the reasons I didn't go back to work this year. Make sure he gets some time to relax, laugh and enjoy. It doesn't change what you are dealing with, but you weather it differently.