Radiotherapy done .........

All last week, Monday to Friday I had Radiotherapy daily. I have been warned that the side effects will probably increase for the next 7-10 days then hopefully ease off and take the pain along with it. The best case scenario will be no pain after this - middle ground will be some pain remains but is manageable with pain relief - worst scenario is that it does nothing to ease things.
Hopefully in about 10 days I'll be back here saying 'Wow! out of pain and feeling good' :)

Other news:

Went back to work on Tuesday last week and also managed to get in on Wednesday for a couple of hours. Sitting upright is bloody painful for long periods but I managed to get back for a few hours at least.
Planning on also getting into work this week - pain permitting.

Sarah, my little sister, is coming over on Saturday and I'm really looking forward to seeing her. I've not seen her since March when I was over there. I'm not sure how long she's staying over here at the moment but however long it is I'm really looking forward to spending some time with her and catching up properly.

Have now had a chat with Dj about the latest developments. He handled it really well, didn't cry just said he hates f*&$ing cancer and no, I didn't tell him off for swearing either! Bad mother eh :)

I told him because he asked about the amount of hospital appointments I've had recently and because he was already aware of the intense pain I was in every day recently. He knew I'd been off work again for the past two weeks and asked me at the end of last week what they were doing at the hospital about my back.
I told him that I was going to have 5 sessions of Radiotherapy to see if it could ease the pain....he seemed to just accept that and said he hoped it would help.

Around 5 minutes later he came back and said 'If you're having Radiotherapy does that mean the cancer is now in your back?'.....I told him that Yes, it was now in my spine and it was this that is causing the pain...He said again that he hoped it would help, then he stared me straight in the eyes and said 'This means you're terminal now then'........
I said what it means is that they can't cure the cancer now, but there are things they want to try - such as Radiotherapy and a drug that will help repair the bone damage...
He then said that if I was 'terminal' then that meant I'd die.......
I told him that Yes, it does mean that, eventually - eventually this cancer will 'get' me and yes, I will die BUT not today, I told him I'm not going to go to bed tonight to die (well, at least that's not the plan so far) but that eventually, in the future,  they would have to say there wasn't anything left to try and THEN we can worry about terminal. He asked me to promise that when they say this I tell him and don't pretend things are okay...I agreed. He didn't cry but I could see that he was struggling not to :(
This was when he said he hated f*&$ing cancer and I didn't reprimand him for it. Like I said, bad mother but I'm the best he's got :)

Since then things have been normal here - he's still spending too long on his Xbox or PC and less time on homework than we'd like, but he's happy and showing no signs of being overly stressed at the moment. So, all is good here.

Rab's been brilliant - he's doing the vast majority of housework, working full time, shopping and never complaining about how much he now has to do. I do what I can, when I can but I've been accepting my limits at the moment.
The thought of spinal breakage really stresses me - I'm aware that I now run the risk of snapping something and don't even want to think about where that leaves me - so, I'm accepting that I can do less and Rab will do what needs doing.
Many times in the past I've read about partners who leave because they can't deal with the stress, the continuing illness, or the extra demands on them - many times I've thought how utterly selfish these people are and rarely do I remember how lucky I am - so today, it's about remembering how lucky I am to have Rab who tries to make things easier (and gets the brunt of my bad moods as thanks!)
I hope one day he reads my blog and realises how much I did appreciate him :)

Catch up soon xx