Thanks to all those who've messaged me, either via the blog or Facebook or email or text to ask how things are going. I know I've needed to do an update for a while now but haven't been in the right frame of mind - or had enough relief from the pain, to do so.
Tonight I've set myself the task of bringing you all up to date.

Last Monday I met with my Oncologist, Dr L - who is the same Oncologist I had last year for my pre-op chemoradiation. I like him and trust him totally and feel confident with any decisions he makes on my behalf.

He told me he feels really genuinely sorry to be seeing me again and really hoped that the last time he saw me, back in January 2011, would have really been the last time he needed to.
We discussed the spinal mets and he said he's quite taken aback by this development and it was completely unexpected. Told him I agreed completely, it wasn't what I was expecting either!
The current plan is that he has arranged for new CT scans to take place (this Wednesday) on my spine, thoraxic area and also my left hip to check to see what's currently going on. After he's viewed these I'll be meeting with him again in early January to 'discuss developments'. I told him I'm still quite chemo resistant and he's fine with that - but we'll make final decisions in January once we both know exactly what's happening for sure.
He told me that in his opinion chemo could potentially possibly provide me with some extra 'weeks' but it would come at a price. This is all based on my severe reaction back in June 2010...so we're back to that decision about quality vs quantity and I've made it clear that quality is my goal. Extra time being slowly poisoned is still not really negotiable for me at the moment - BUT it will depend on what he says in January when we meet.
We had an open and honest chat and he leaned forward, looked me in the eye and said 'I'm really sorry that I can't fix you Carole, I just can't stop the cancer'..I told him I do know that this is the case and my only real interest is to sort out the pain and see what options are on the table that probably don't involve chemo.

Today I had a follow up appointment for palliative care and pain management. The lovely Dr P has emailed a couple of her colleagues on my behalf and asked about a spinal operation that involves placing a 'cement' type product into the spine to try to mend some of the damage. They will review my bone scans and see what they think. I'll let you know what their opinion is about this once they've got back to me/Dr P.
I discussed today with Dr P what my life expectancy could be now - she said it's so difficult with cancer because things can change literally overnight - however at this stage of things she'd suggest I have "long months and short years". She then said to be blunt in the region of between 9-18 months would be a good estimate at this stage.
I want to be around for Dj's 13th birthday, if possible, so that gives me hope that that might be achievable (if things don't change overnight) :)

The pain has been a pain....not much more to say about that. Still tweaking the med's around to see if we can find a balance that works for me. Next appointment in mid January.

I'm meeting with Dr L, Oncologist again on 3rd January - then have a colorectal appointment on 4th January.

For now, everything is going on the back burner because it's almost Christmas and I intend to have a lovely time with my family - enjoy the festivities and make any decisions after the holidays.

Many people are in my thoughts at this time of year - especially my special friends Rose and David, whose families will be spending their first Christmas without them.
Also special thoughts going out to my lovely friend Kev over in Western Australia who will be facing his first Christmas without his wonderful wife, Joan.

Catch up soon xXx