People who made it possible........

Now that I've let you all know where I was for my surprise visit, it's time to thank those that made it possible.

Big thanks go to Rab, James & Leanne, Jacqui, Mum & Dad, Nayla...without your help I couldn't have done this trip.

Jacqui came up every morning at 7am to sort out Dj and make sure he got to school on time, had breakfast and was organised.
Mum and Dad made sure he had someone to come home to after school. Mum also helped him to complete his geography project which turned out brilliantly and has put him in line for a 'house' prize.
Rab organised the place so that uniform was ready, homework was completed on time and kept things running - as well as going to work for 6 days without a break.
James & Leanne took Dj for the first weekend so that Rab could work on a function without worrying about Dj at home.
Jacqui and Nayla sorted out the following Saturday for Rab whilst he, again, had to work.

So sending HUGE thanks to you all for your ongoing support. Some things would not be possible without you guys

Much luv xxxx

10 Days in Rhodes ...........

As some of you rightly guessed, and some of you knew before, I decided to pay my sister Sarah a surprise visit in sunny Rhodes.

Me and the bag set off on Friday, 11th March and returned on Monday, 21st after spending 9 days in the (mostly) sunny weather. The days were spent sitting by the sea, climbing mountains (okay, that's a slight exaggeration - it was a very large hill that felt like a mountain), browsing in the few shops that have opened pre-season, visiting a few local attractions and just simply relaxing for the time I was there.

My sister had no idea that I was arriving. When I reached Rhodes airport on the Friday evening I telephoned M, her partner, and he came to get me without telling her where he was going.

He went into their apartment ahead of me and spun her a tale about having a customer in the taxi who needed somewhere to stay for the night. (I was hiding outside whilst all this went on)

Sarah point-blank refused to have some strange 'bloke' in the apartment whilst M returned to work.

In the end she agreed that he could come inside to eat before M took him elsewhere.

I then came inside the apartment and initially she didn't register it was me, but after a second look she just stood there saying 'Oh my God! I don't believe it! How are you here!' then burst into tears....happy tears I hasten to add :-)

I reminded her that I'd told her previously that one day I'd just turn up at the airport and call a taxi to get to her. Now she knows that I wasn't joking.

We spent the week relaxing, catching up, going for coffee by the sea & in town, visited the house that Hitler lived in for a while during WWII, went to Kallithea Springs, Rhodes Old Town...some pictures below.

It's very early yet for great weather in Rhodes, and the week before I arrived they'd had lots of rain and grey clouds. I wasn't expecting sun at all but that is exactly what we did get...sun, sun and more sun. It wasn't high temperatures (between around 19c/21c) but every day, apart from one, was a clear blue sky with just a scattering of fluffy clouds.

So, I took the sun to Rhodes with me and then I brought it back with me. Yesterday and today have been lovely here in London - I was outside with Dizzie cat earlier in a T-Shirt ....two weeks ago I was in heavy winter jacket and gloves here - and that was just to put the rubbish out LOL!

This is the view that Sarah wakes up to each morning......

Here is the chapel where Sarah regularly lights candles for many of you...


These next two were taken inside the chapel....




Two sisters enjoying the spring sunshine & relaxing with a coffee in one of the numerous great coffee shops in Rhodes........



How blue is that sea!................




We went up the mountain to see the house that Hitler lived in during parts of WWII.

On the way we visited a very old Chapel and outside there is a tree that is apparently 'thousands of years old'. The inside is completely hollow so obviously we couldn't resist taking the 'tourist shot'


This was the very pretty 16th Century Chapel - there were bee's nesting inside, the sound of their buzzing was really amplified once you entered.....

This is the remains of the house that Hitler had built for him...it's been left to rot on purpose


Halfway up the mountain


Old Town Rhodes, inside the Castle walls......





There are LOADS of stray ferral cats in Rhodes. This one has adopted Sarah and unlike the vast majority of cats there, he is confident about being around people. Sarah now feeds him daily and has named him Spanos.


The next few pictures are just random scenery shots...I want people to know that there is so much more to Rhodes than just the Faliraki nightlife and the beach...








That's it for now....I'll do a separate post about travelling with the bag & other stuff at some point.

Friday and it's sunny .......:-)

Today I woke up to lovely 'spring' sunshine and decided that me and the bag are doing something together that we've not done before.....

I'll let you know what it was and how I got on later.......

Any guesses? :-)))

Made some plans now........

I've moved forward somewhat since I've made some plans...

Last week I went to see my boss and had a meeting to discuss how I'm doing. She has been incredibly supportive and assured me that there is no pressure at all and I should only return once I feel well enough to cope.

She also offered me reduced hours, reduced days, any equipment that will help me (special cushion, foot rest etc) and it's made a huge difference to how I feel.

I realised some time ago that I was struggling with guilt...sounds stupid maybe but I reckon people out there with cancer will be able to relate to what I'm saying.

Apart from all the physical stuff you go through with cancer there is also the emotional and financial side of things.

As I said, I realised some time ago that I was struggling with guilt..I felt guilty for being unwell and messing up the finances, guilty for not being at work because of the increased workload put onto my colleagues, guilty for worrying everyone in the family, guilty for not being able to do domestic stuff and watching Rab work all day then come home and sort things out here, guilty when I see/hear about others who are struggling more than me, guilty for just getting cancer.

But then I had a long chat with Hazel a few weeks ago and she helped me to put things into perspective - thank you Haze.

Firstly she told me to 'put to bed' the idea of coming back to work right now simply because I was setting myself unrealistic dead-lines - hence increasing my feelings of guilt when I couldn't meet them.

We also discussed other things which I'm currently putting into place - she gave me a shove when I needed one and I've since been able to start planning again - but in a realistic way now.

So my plans are to do my counselling (when he finally gets back to me with potential dates)...to look into doing some Yoga or similar....keep eating healthily and take my supplements......return to work after the Easter school holidays IF my wound has healed properly and I feel able to.....forget about June until June arrives and then worry about my CEA levels and scans only once I get results....get away for a break (planning on visiting my sister in the summer - more on that nearer the time)

My wound is still healing but it's nowhere near as sore as it was a while ago.

I'd like to say I'm no longer tired out, but truth is I am some days. Again though, it's better than it was a while ago.

I no longer have hormonal headaches (radiotherapy frazzled everything & threw me into immediate menopause) which I've suffered from all my adult life so that's a definite 'YAY' moment :-)

I no longer care if all the housework isn't done on time.

I've made plans and I'm going to move forward over the next few weeks, without a doubt.

Doesn't fit our criteria...........

Since I've been at home more during the day, I've realised exactly how many 'cold calls' I really do get during a single week!

They go through stages, either selling mobile phone contracts, or 'have you had an accident that wasn't your fault' type legal stuff, or more recently 'life insurance'.

I've answered at least 8 calls now from the same company over the past 3 (working) days and it's becoming boring now. So tonight decided to go along with it and see what they'd say (instead of my usual 'No thanks, not interested').

So the phone rings, around 8.30pm - like you'd even WANT to discuss life insurance at 8.30pm if you'd been at work all day - and I answer and play along.

Cold caller: Hello, I'm not going to try to sell you anything, I'm just going to ask you a few questions and see if I can help you reduce your life insurance payments (ask me questions? Why? If you're not going to sell me anything hmmmm).....

Me: Umm, I'm not sure you can help me really

Cold caller: I may be able to help you pay less to offer your family complete protection, if I can just take a minute of your time I may be able to help you sleep easier knowing you've done your best to protect your loved ones

Me: Okay then, away you go

Cold caller: confirm you are Carole, this is your address, this is your age, do you have any dependent's, how much do you currently pay, which company (all of which takes longer than a 'few minutes' of my precious time, as she's still chatting away in-between about 'helping me to help my loved ones')

Then, crunch time......do you have any problems with your heart?

Me: No, none

Cold caller: Do you have cancer?

Me: Yes

Cold caller: You do have cancer? Really?

Me: No, I made it up.......(sigh)...Of course I have cancer, it's not something you joke about generally eh?

Cold caller: Ummm, ahh, ummm, I'm afraid you don't fit our criteria, sorry about that

Me: Hold on, I thought you wanted to help me protect my family? I thought you cared? What's the point in offering life insurance to only healthy people? You really really wanted to help me 5 minutes ago, what better way than to give me life insurance.

Cold caller: (now embarrassed) I, um, I don't really know what to say except that we don't insure people who are possibly, likely, to have a shorter life....(can tell by now that she really wants to end this conversation, quickly - so I carry on :-)....)

Me: I thought insurance was about 'risk' and 'offsetting risk'? Surely you insure healthy people knowing that they are likely to live longer and therefore you can afford to insure people like me, their payments will cover me. So, how much will it cost me per month?

Cold caller: I'm really sorry, we can't insure you, you just don't fit our criteria.

Me: What's the criteria then?

Cold caller: Well, you can't have cancer and get insured with us

Me: Why not? My surgeon doesn't know if I'm going to die so why should your company assume that I will

Cold caller: I understand what you are saying but you just don't fit our criteria - sorry....

Me: How can you have a criteria for selling me insurance when your opening words to me were 'I'm not going to try to sell you anything'?

Cold caller: Well, we don't actually sell the insurance, we drum up the interest and pass it on to the sales people tomorrow - but unfortunately you just don't fit their criteria

Me: Good! Then just stop bloody phoning me all the time then.

Wonder if I'll hear from them again tomorrow :-))

Blood Test Results & Beans and Pulses :-)

Today I went to the GP to get the results of my recent blood tests.

Good news is that my Vitamin D level is 'very good'. In fact the GP said it was the best levels he'd ever seen in ANYONE in this country! Yay, I have good Vitamin D levels :-)

Higher vitamin D intake needed to reduce cancer risk

Haemoglobin levels were 'a bit low at 11'...told him they dropped to 4 after surgery (hence the blood transfusions) and then stabilised at 11.5 a few days after.

After hearing that he feels that 11 is probably normal for me - taking into account a transfusion only pushed them up to 11.5

My CEA level was 5 prior to any treatment commencing - he confirmed that it is now 3.7....

Soooo, following major surgery and removal of the tumour it's dropped by only 1.3 which is 'disappointing'* ......his words - mine involved the F word rather than *disappointing*

However, we had a long chat and he said that because they (hospital) didn't do the CEA marker after surgery he has no idea what he's comparing this current test to -his theories are as follows:

could be that my body is still adjusting after surgery;

could be that I have a higher natural CEA level (which made little sense to me because it only went to '5' with a stage 3 tumour present);

could be that I'm one of those few people who do not show accurate results for cancer in CEA marker tests (although it's fairly reliable it's not set in stone which is why they don't use it for screening purposes);

could be that there's still cancer somewhere in my body.....

So, lots of could be's but no definite answers yet.

How do I feel about this? Okay actually - I'm thinking that we test again in June and see what's going on. Now I've got a level to compare to we can see what's happening (or not happening) in a couple of months time

Until then, don't ask me if I've still got cancer because the answer will be the same as last month, truth is I don't know - and neither does my GP (and the hospital definitely can't know because they've not seen me since December and won't be seeing me until June)

Anyway, what other things have I found out for sure recently?....Well, I know that Broad Beans now give me an awful stomach ache....Green Beans make the stoma fart (a lot!)....Baked Beans are fine (amazingly)...Puy Lentils give me a pain in the whole colon, Green and Red Lentils give me no problems at all....Lentils, nuts, seeds pass through your system exactly as they enter your body - in other words swallow a whole peanut by mistake and you will 'find' the same peanut later :-))

Actually that last bit about the peanut made me think....they tell you to eat nuts because they are full of protein and some contain selenium HOWEVER if they pass through your body exactly as you eat them, they don't break down at all, then HOW does the protein/selenium actually get into your system to provide you with any health benefits?

Answers in the comments section please :-o)

I've had a pre-assessment with the Counsellors and am waiting on a date for the sessions to start. He's trying to organise around the 3rd week of March.

Some days I think I don't need to see a Counsellor at all, other days I know that I do....Is the inability to make a decision dealt with in counselling? Lol :-)

Apart from all that, my lovely nurse J is back YAY!...she checked the wound and confirmed that it IS healing well - although still not healed it IS on the right path.

I definitely still have nerve damage in the posterior area - some parts are numb, some parts are sore & sting, some areas ache when I sit...

Sounds weird to talk about having an 'ache' in your bum, it's not a place you would normally get an 'achy' pain - if you know what I mean?.... When did you last say (people with bums this is for) 'I've got such an ache in my bum?'...See what I mean? It's not 'normal' to ache there...:-)

Moving on....chatting with J my nurse yesterday for a while after she checked the wound and she asked if I'd like to see the photo's of the friends wedding that she went to (for her 2 week holiday when she went away and LEFT ME with 'M').:-)))

So sitting looking through Face-book with her and see a lovely bride, gorgeous little bridesmaids, J was Bridesmaid too - and then the best man...

J tells me he's her very best friend and such a lovely man - I said "I know, he was my Anaesthetist, B"...Small world eh :-)

Now I know he'll get my message of thanks for his help and caring during my time in hospital.

S'all good - much luv to all xxx

Trinity Hospice Fund Raising

As you know I set up a fund-raising page on 'Just Giving' to raise necessary funding for my local hospice, Trinity Hospice.

Initially I set my target at just £200 - today that target was reached and I just want to express my thanks to everyone who has donated so far.

Each pound makes a difference to them, especially as they only receive about a third of their funding from the government. As we know, cut backs are currently taking place and it is more than possible that even this third may well be reduced in time - therefore fund-raising becomes even more necessary for such a worthy cause.

Today I have adjusted my target to £300. If you meant to donate but haven't done so as yet, please remember that every penny is appreciated....help me to reach my new target of £300 if you haven't yet donated and won't miss a pound....

Thank you to all who have and those that will :-)