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I'm Carole, living in London, happily married and mum to two amazing boys.I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Rectal Cancer in April 2010. Surgery took place in November 2010 and I now have a permanent colostomy...Spinal mets were then diagnosed in October 2011...In January 2012 I was told of further spread to the hip area (multiple lesions)..My life expectancy is now 6-9 months. Walk alongside me on the last part of my experience with this..

Thursday, 6 May 2010

Nearly the end of another week

Just re-read the list of things I wanted to do this week and realised I didn't actually get to do many of them.

I didn't get my hair cut on Tuesday, or go for lunch, or go shopping....I did vote today though and as much as I'd like to have that glass of wine I promised myself, I shall be giving it a miss.
Only because today the pain has really really been a pain in the bum (!!) and I've had no option other than to take the stronger painkillers - not really sure that mixing them with any type of alcohol would do me too much good. I'll have a nice cup of coffee instead then :-)

Mum and Dad are still away on their holiday at the moment - due back late Saturday, early hours of Sunday morning. I really hope they've had a great time and Mum enjoyed her birthday yesterday. Pleased she got to do something special for her birthday because had she been here I don't think I'd have managed to get out with them for a meal - sitting in one position for too long is damn uncomfortable at the moment.

I know that Sarah and M will have made sure she enjoyed her day anyway - and I'm sure they've all had a lovely week.....I only wish I DIDN'T have to tell them about my rotten news when they come back - and even more worried about my lovely sister as she is so far away. I know her instincts will be to try and fly over to me immediately BUT right now, there's not much point.
Soon I shall have my surgery and whilst that is going on I'll be 'out of it' for a while. If she wants to come over I shall suggest she leaves it til after the Op because then I think I'll need her more.

This blog, I hope, will help her to feel she's in touch with everything that's happening and make sure she isn't worrying unnecessarily.

Today, Lynne, one of my colorectal nurses emailed me and asked if I'd like to know the results of their MDT meeting on Monday by phone or would I rather wait til Wednesday?
I replied 'Monday PLEASE' - she then arranged to phone me with the details and get me in on Wednesday as previously planned to confirm everything with my lovely Surgeon (Savvy) and also try to arrange the pre-op assessment for the same day (if they've decided to go straight for surgery instead of Radio/Chemo first). Soooo, Monday, 10th May is the day I find out more now. Scary but I do need to know.

James came over after work tonight and we had a chat. I know he's really worried about me and hope he'll feel lots better after the surgery takes place.
It's his 30th Birthday on 15th and tonight he told me he's planned nothing yet :-( Have a feeling it's because his mind is on me - and I WANT to tell him to go out, get drunk with your mates, have loads of fun and forget about me for the night - but then think if he was in my position right now then I also wouldn't feel like celebrating anything.

Then I get bloody angry and think this B*%$ard Cancer is just getting in the way of everything and screwing things up bit by bit. EVERYTHING now seems to revolve around it, and me - not only does it eat its way through your body but then it eats away at your life and those around you.
Because I'm in pain tonight I feel angrier than usual. Tomorrow will be a better day.

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