About Me

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I'm Carole, living in London, happily married and mum to two amazing boys.I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Rectal Cancer in April 2010. Surgery took place in November 2010 and I now have a permanent colostomy...Spinal mets were then diagnosed in October 2011...In January 2012 I was told of further spread to the hip area (multiple lesions)..My life expectancy is now 6-9 months. Walk alongside me on the last part of my experience with this..

Saturday, 25 June 2011

Sorry seems to be the hardest word...???

Sometimes I find it so easy to put a particular post together - the words come without me even thinking about it too much simply because it's all 'there' in my head and just waiting to be typed out and thrown out into cyber space.....

Other posts I find so much harder - and this is one of them.

Entitled 'Sorry seems to be the hardest word?'....but that's wrong. For me the hardest words are finding how to say 'goodbye' to people who have become good friends, people who've walked the cancer walk with us until they've run out of road ahead.

Thursday, 23rd June our lovely friend Rose passed away. Diagnosed with breast cancer in February 2007 she had suffered numerous chemo's (7 in total I believe), a masectomy, Radiotherapy, Stutent....she suffered hair loss, weight loss, appetite loss, painful hands and feet, extreme tiredness, breathing issues - but never ever lost her love of life.

She was determined to stay around for as long as possible so that she could see her three beautiful grandchildren grow up. Harry, Eleri and Annabel were three major reasons for Rose to keep trying - and she did exactly that.

Rose was an active member of Cancer Chat forum where she would spend hours assuring other people, calming them and finding ways to put their fears to rest - all this despite going through hell herself some days and she never once complained. She was always just grateful for one more day to spend with her lovely family.

Rose found humour when others found despair - one of her classic lines was talking about her appearance after a bout of chemo....'I had hoped to look like Sinead O'Connor but looked more like Matt Lucas from Little Britain'......:-)...
Another comment she made was that she'd gone to the GP surgery and found herself surrounded by ill, coughing and sneezing people. She was worried because she'd been told not to be around 'germs' but found "I couldn't actually hold my breath for 20 full minutes" ......LOL Rose...we will miss you so much.....

So for me, the hardest word is not 'Sorry' it's 'Goodbye'......Rose you were honestly one in a million and I've found it very hard to write this post saying goodbye to you....all I can say in response to your last email to me earlier this week is 'Yes I will, I promise... and luv you back loads too'

Sleep tight dear friend you will be so so missed by so many people...

Sending love & sincere condolences to Rose's family Ricky, Debbie, Christopher and her three beautiful grandchildren....


  1. Carole that's just such a wonderful post. You've put it all into words so beautifully. Thank you.xxx

  2. Hugs Shents...

    We'll really miss our lovely Rose :-(

  3. I know that Rose helped you loads too sis, she sounds a wonderful person and I'm sure her family must be so proud of the good she made in others lives. Rose, thanks for helping my sis, RIP x

  4. Carole♥ you are so right! Losing a favourite friend to this insidious disease has to be one of the most difficult things we have to face along the way.
    I will have you and Rose in my thoughts my friend♥
    'We only part to meet again.' - John Gay

  5. Thank you for this post Carole. I had been a 'follower' of Rose's blog for as long as yours, but don't frequent CancerChat much now so hadn't been keeping up to date.
    She will be sadly missed.

  6. That honestly did bring a tear to my eye. Though I don't know her, I wish I did.

    It feels as though someone important has left us. And seeing as I do not know Rose, I am somewhat frightened by the feeling.

    My deepest condolences goes to her family and friends. xx

  7. Beautiful words dear friend...I keep saying the name Rose and cant believe we will not speak with her again...

    Much Love

    T xx

  8. what a beautiful post Carole, I realise how hard his must have been for you, but I found it very touching and moving.

    I do not know Rose, but by your wonderful description of her, I am sure that I would have found her to be as wonderful as you clearly do.
    My deepest and sincere condolences to Rose's family and friends.
    Thinking of you...

  9. Carole You paid a lovely tribute to your friend..I am sure she appreciates your thoughtfulness and is smiling at you. It doesn't matter if you are friends from blogging or elsewhere losing a friend to this demon illness is never easy..Your friend sounded like a lovely lady....May she RIP


  10. So sorry for your loss. Rose's sense of humor is a lesson of strength and positivity to others. May she not be forgotten.