One Week back at Home........

So today is Friday, 24th February 2012 and I've now been back at home for a week.

It's been a really really tough week :(

On discharge from hospital the damn diarrhoea decided to make a come back - with a vengeance! I've been having to get up out of bed 3 - 5 times a night just to do bag changes, it literally is like having a tap attached to me, it just pours out.
My Palliative care nurse was on leave this week but I spoke to one of her colleagues who faxed a prescription to the GP for me for Buscopan tablets (to stop the continual stomach cramps) and also for Loperimide to stop the diarrhoea (only problem is, it doesn't actually stop it!)

Yesterday I spoke to one of the lovely nurses from Beating Bowel Cancer. They always seem to know when I'm at a really low point and ring me that day....I filled her in and we discussed together how totally shit this whole thing is. She gave me some advice re the diarrhoea tablets and rehydration without going back into hospital....to be honest for the past few days I've felt that I will end up back there sooner rather than later.

Today I feel a little better...had a light diet yesterday as the previous day I'd spent most of the afternoon throwing up in bed and Rab was in and out providing me with a clean bowl, tissues and drinks to keep me going. My husband is an amazing man - I never realised how amazing he was and I never truly appreciated him before all this. I wouldn't be able to do this last bit now without him.
But as I said, today I did feel a little better despite the continuing diarrhoea....I finally realised it's because the Buscopan tablets have stopped the awful painful cramps and this has made me feel that I can cope with the remaining ongoing symptoms for now. I'm determined to get past this bit and find a way to feel 'well' again. I'm determined to prove them wrong with what they now expect for me as a realistic time span. I still have things to do here.

Friday, 24th February was also Rab's birthday. Last night Sarah and Manolis came over along with James and Leanne and we had a lovely Chinese meal. I didn't eat too much but I did have a gorgeous Spring Roll (yummy, my favourite thing to eat ever....I even dreamed about them in hospital) and a small portion of rice with beef & black bean sauce.
Rab had some lovely presents and cards and felt just a little special I think :)  I hadn't managed to organise presents for his birthday from me this year, but Leanne went shopping and chose some things that she knew I'd like, she even wrapped them for me - it's like having my own personal shopper :-)))
Thank you Leanne xxXxx

It's now Saturday and again I don't feel as bad as earlier in the week. The cramps are definitely under control now - the diarrhoea continues unabated, so I continue to eat Loperimide like sweets :) and do bag changes by the hour!
Rab made me a lovely light lunch today of toasted cheese sandwich and tonight he's making numerous tasty side salads (to try to tempt me to eat more) and a mushroom omelette.

It has been a lovely sunny day with blue skies and a totally fresh feel to the day - this makes me feel better in myself in general and although I know I'm not out of the woods yet (by a long shot) I'm still trying to find that exit route - the one that leads me to a longer, painfree life.
I've got it firmly fixed in my head that if I can get to March things WILL get better - obviously not for ever but at least for a while.

Keep that positive stuff heading my way because it's obviously working :)

Back soon xxXxx Much love to all xxXxx