Nice day just chatting.......

Today I did nothing much except chat :-)

Got up late(ish) , around 10.30am. This seems to be the new habit for me now....can't sleep at night but once I get to around 5am I can then sleep undisturbed until around 10am without waking at all - weird eh.

Anyway, got my self sorted out - shower and a bit of slap on the face, gel in the hair and off we go....:-)

Went off to meet up with Hazel to catch up on all the news at her end and also fill her in with what's been happening with me - various hospital appts, Dj school journey, starting secondary school - just catch up stuff really.

Popped into work to meet her and also saw Oliver and Tony, which was lovely as not seen either of them for ages now.

I miss the routine of seeing certain people on certain days when I'm at work...

Hazel and I then went over to her place and sat chatting until around 4pm. It was really lovely to catch up properly and have time to find out all the news - rather than popping in and just getting the tail end of stuff.

Had a lovely relaxing afternoon and felt like I'd done something 'normal' afterwards :-)

Hazel's been so supportive to me since I've been off sick, regular texts reminding me that I CAN sort this out, talking to me back in April when I was in pieces about the 'bag' news, she's remembered every important hospital date and has either text or phoned me to say 'thinking of you and it's all going to be OK'.....

I can't tell people how much difference that makes, I'm so lucky to have the huge support network of family, friends and cyber friends all around me.

Today on the Cancer forum I read a post from someone that said 'had a bowel op, cancer came back in liver, my mates don't want to talk about cancer, wife passed away 8 yrs ago, I feel so alone' and I felt so so sad when I read that.

Cancer is a bastard disease but I've always have someone to share that news with, always had someone to rant to, cry to, laugh with - this man didn't and I just feel so sad for him :-(

So if you know someone living alone who's struggling with any long term illness and they seem to want to stop and chat that day - please just take 5 minutes out of your day and listen - maybe that way no-one will have to feel alone like that man did today.

Also had the chance to see pictures of Hazel's sisters recent wedding - which was lovely. Everyone looked so happy - wedding pictures are always nice because you can literally 'feel' the happiness from both the happy couple but also from the guests.

Then when I arrived home Rab told me James was coming around 7.30pm (bringing Dj back because they've had him for a few days now) and he was going to eat with us - so Rab decides he's going to cook for James so off we go to Sainsburys to buy yet more stuff that we don't really need :-)

Whilst we're there I see Jac and we have a catch up chat about what's been going on....

Then, 5 minutes later and still in Sainsburys, I bump into Sophie from work with her mum and have another chat.....

Then James comes round and we have a chat.....also Eddie my neighbour popped up and - guess what? ....YES! we had a chat....

Like I said, I had a nice day just chatting - and not all about cancer for a change ....

I think they actually say that on one of the Cancer Research UK ads 'Today wasn't all about cancer'....

(Except for the man who felt so alone today ... today his day WAS all about cancer ......)

Shouldn't be difficult......

So, as you all know today was Hospital appointment day. Time to discuss the recent MRI/CT scans and surgery 'options'.

My surgeon confirmed that the CT and MRI scans still show no spread, which means this dodgy achy pain in my lung/chest area must be in my head and not a real pain at all....weird, because it feels real enough - but he is sure there is nothing in my lung.

He also confirmed that the Radiotherapy has made virtually no difference to the tumour, it is more or less the same size as it was in April......So all that burnt external skin, agonising pain, internal burns, shoving towels into my mouth to stop myself screaming out loud when trying to go to the loo was a complete waste of bloody time then! Great eh.....:-(

However it's not bigger than it was initially so I guess that's something to be grateful for at the moment. It was a T3 (Stage 3) in April and in his opinion nothing has changed.

And I now have to deal with the ongoing effects of Radiotherapy, constant need to go to the loo (weakened bladder) tightness in areas that were never tight and uncomfortable before, menopausal symptoms....but still the f^*king tumour is the same size as before (sorry for swearing, I don't often on my blog but hey today's a day when I just feel it's appropriate....)

He also confirmed that they believe there is limited lymph node involvement, at least one or two seem 'dodgy' - however they won't know for sure until they do the surgery, during this they will remove any lymph nodes that have been affected.

After surgery is when we get the full histology and pathology reports which will show exact stage/grade/lymph node involvement and anything else important such as signet/mucinous adeno carcinoma (which are aggressive strains of adeno)

Anyway, I told him that I'm aware that the MRI/CT scan show a mass but I would like a PET scan because that shows me that the tumour is still viable - he said he'd be happy for me to have that done to put my mind at rest.

I explained that I need to be in the right place mentally to go ahead with the surgery and not spend the next 5 years wondering if I should have checked...he agreed that I need to be right mentally to assist with healing etc. So that was good.

He also said he felt I should talk to someone who has already had the same op, who like me hadn't wanted it initially (I almost laughed at this point...is he trying to tell me that there's someone out there that actually WANTED this op?) because it would help me come to terms with it...

I agreed to this, as long as it's a female of a similar age (no much point in me comparing notes with a 78 yr old male really)....

So, with the surgeon it was decided that he would arrange a PET scan, and get me in touch with someone locally who has had the APR reluctantly (yes, keep me away from those 'willing' ones) then I would come back to him and we'd organise surgery dates.

I can't say I left him feeling 'happy' but I felt more positive about the direction this has taken and felt that if the PET scan shows activity then I can do this surgery with his help.

After that we met with the colorectal nurse who said that I needed to know that the other hospital may well refuse me the PET scan!

I was quite taken back at this and pointed out that the surgeon had just told me this shouldn't be difficult at all.....suddenly it IS difficult. I told her I can't commit to surgery without this scan, she repeated they may not agree to it and she felt she 'needed to warn me' in advance....

Rab was great, he said 'Listen to what the surgeon said....it shouldn't be difficult to arrange and I'm fine with you having that scan then we can move forward'....Just ignore everything else and wait to get the appointment.

I know he's right but all I could think about afterwards was 'You might not get this scan, it's unnecessary and we might not be able to organise it for you'....

Oh and the surgeon also said I'm going to need intensive Chemo after surgery as well because there's enough evidence that it could reoccur and therefore Chemo will be necessary regardless of side effects. Great, can it get any better!...

We talked about rates of this type of cancer (rectal) coming back either in the same place or mets to liver/lungs/bones.

He said after APR there is approximately a 10% chance it will return to the same area on the scar tissue - with a 50/60% chance of mets to the liver/lungs/bones/pelvic area but they'll monitor me on a 5 year plan and hopefully catch anything as it turns up.

I do know I'm going to have to do this surgery but I'd still like the PET scan first - that way I'll have no question mark hanging over me.

I'll know then that I did the only thing I could do to give myself the best chance of kicking this thing up the arse!

We did talk about what exactly would happen if I decided not to have surgery and it's not really an option. I couldn't justify allowing Dj to witness *that* happening to me - not when I could have had the surgery to avoid it.

I'm glad Rab was with me today - he's calming to be around, keeps it all simple and doesn't let me move to the next step without finishing the last.

Hence my 'I won't get the scan' comment is immediately followed by him saying 'Yes you will, the surgeon said it shouldn't be difficult...No point in rushing ahead - just have the scan first'.

Questions......

As you know tomorrow is my hospital day, the day when I'm supposed to agree to radical life changing surgery, resulting in the removal of my rectum, anus and a new way of life with a permanent colostomy bag....

I've thought, thought and thought some more and I'm just not ready yet to agree to this. I've discussed this with family members and they understand it's not that I'm refusing - it's that I'm still not sure I have no other options and until I do know that for sure I'm not signing on the dotted line - just yet.

Yes, yes, yes I KNOW I could be playing with my life, I KNOW I'll probably end up with this surgery taking place but first I have to be sure there was no other way.

Mentally I will not be able to move on from this if I don't investigate all avenues first.

So, I've prepared a list of questions that I need answers to (see below) - I've decided that I want a PET scan prior to agreeing to surgery and then we'll take it from there I think.

How long have I had this cancer (approximately)?

What Stage was the tumour initially?

Was there evidence of lymph node involvement?

Was there evidence of the tumour going through the bowel wall?

Has the tumour reduced in size after having Radiotherapy? If yes by how much?

Does this mean it's been downgraded from the initial Staging?

Is there spread to anywhere else, particularly the lung/chest area?

Did the original biopsy results show either signet or mucinous cell adenocarcinoma? (these are subsets of adenocarcinoma and are considered to be agressive)

Did the pathology report show any lymphovascular invasion?

What's the difference between a PET scan and MRI/CT scans? (I already know the answer but I want them to tell me)

Why haven't I had a PET scan?

I did repeat MRI/CT scans on 10th but not repeat blood tests. Blood tests show the CEA (which is a cancer 'marker') why have I not had blood tests repeated since Radiotherapy?

What were my CEA levels back in April?

Do you have any results on my CEA from St Thomas' during Radiotherapy treatment?

Can I have copies of all my scan results, blood tests and pathology reports?

If I decided not to have the APR, how long would I live with the tumour as it is currently?

Are there any trials I could take part in if I refuse surgery?

How long does Radiotherapy continue to work in the body after treatment ends?

Do you think that someone should have told me about the long term pelvic damage caused from Radiotherapy?

Do you think that someone should have discussed the necessity of using a dialator to keep the vaginal wall open, before, during and after Radiotherapy?

Who would do this surgery if I agreed to it?

How many APR's has this person done before?

What is the reoccurance rate after this type of radical surgery?

What are the long term risks and also the risks to other organs during surgery?

My colonoscopy showed LOTS of internal haemorrhoids (piles) higher in the colon, I've since read that these can turn cancerous (in exactly the same way that polyps can)...if so what is being done/can anything be done, to stop this from happening?

If I had this surgery would it be keyhole or open?

How long is the expected recovery period? How long in hospital?

After surgery Intensive care Unit? Then general ward after how long?

What are the MRSA infection rates in this hospital?

I understand from reading numerous reports that pre-operative Radiotherapy can cause delayed healing and increase the infection risk following surgery by at least 60% - should we not wait at least 6 months for Radiotherapy effects to ease off first?

After which I'm sure they'll be glad to see the back of me for a while

Wish me luck ...

I'm so spoilt......

Today Dj answered the door and accepted a delivery for me. He's getting quite good at this now.

Which reminds me......

A week or so ago I asked him to sign for a parcel delivery because I was busy in the kitchen and he looked totally confused and said 'Can you PLEASE just come and do it Mum, I really don't want to'...
I didn't really get what the problem was - but I went and signed for it myself.

The following day another parcel delivery arrives (it is almost his birthday remember) and again I asked him to sign for the parcel. (It's part of my 'making him more independent' plan)...

He still obviously doesn't want to do it - but I stay where I am this time and say

'Just sign for it please Djamel'....

The delivery man gives him the pen and book and tells him where to sign - and YAY! he does it.

Now you might be thinking 'No big deal, it's just a parcel'....BUT everything that Djamel struggles with then manages to do IS a big deal, to him and to me. Dj has Aspergers and sometimes things (normal, day to day things) just really 'get' to him - so we're working on doing stuff even when you feel it's not what you want to do.

I then went to the door, took the parcel off him and said 'Great, well done, you did a good job there'....

He looks at me with his eyes filling with tears and says
"Is that money going to come straight out of my savings account now"....LOL! No wonder he hadn't wanted to sign, he thought he would get charged cash for the parcel....:-))

The sheer relief on his face when I explained 'No money involved' was a picture. He does like his cash to be left alone for sure.

Anyway, I'm completely off topic now....

Today, he signed (getting really good at it - now he knows it's 'free'...) for these gorgeous growing flowers in a basket with chocolates attached



Thank you to my parenting buddies: Tracy, Karen, Clare, Emma, Sarah, Rina, Cyra - so appreciated.
I met this lovely group of ladies a couple of years back through the old AOL message boards and joined them in a email parenting group. They are the sort of people you need around you in a crisis and one of them always has the answer...

When I first became unwell I didn't fill them in and I've only recently let on what the problem has been - their instant response, send flowers and chocolates and supportive messages on the blog.

Everyone should have friends like these...Thank you so much xx

Like I said, I am so spoilt (and I'm loving it) :-))

Dizzie likes them too...he's a cat of extremely good taste, he just loves sniffing flowers and evens settles down to sleep next to them.

Did anyone see the story of the horrid lady who put the cat, Lola, into the bin? Wicked person!

Rab - he's so cheeky :-)

Rab doesn't read my blog - he knows all about it, thinks it's a great idea but hasn't read it at all. He will one day but I think he's waiting until I'm fully recovered for some reason....

However, he does like to know that he's included on my day to day list of what goes on and he's insisting that my 'glog' (as he insists on calling it) shows my lovely flowers that he got me on Saturday....

So here goes.....This lovely man below



Got me these lovely flowers on Saturday




Happy now Rab :-) (Not that you'll read it just yet of course - lol)

A Year Apart......

I'm fully aware of the fact that I've been looking (and at times, feeling) seriously crap since all this blasted cancer thing started...

Now I'm posting some pictures here and I want opinions - honest ones - so if you've got nothing good to say, best just stay quiet eh LOL :-)

This was taken a year ago....obviously I had cancer then but I had no idea.




This next one was taken about a month ago, after having Radiotherapy and after I'd burned, ulcerated and felt so depressed that I couldn't even face the day - even though I HAD to of course




Then this one was taken today, a month after I started taking my supplements, following my healthy diet plan, getting some sunshine and walking for exercise...



So the question is, are you starting to see any improvements yet or am I still looking seriously crap?
I think I'm starting to see improvements, I definitely have more energy than a few months ago but then I wonder if it's in my head and if I still look like a really ill cancer person to everyone else?

Presents .....:-)

There was a time when I would get different sorts of presents, champagne, wine, chocolates.......those that know Rab will also be aware of the numerous 'odd' presents he has presented me with over the years (LOL)
One day when I get time I shall have a proper think and try to list some of the oddities he's decided I'd either 'like' or 'need'...:-)

The weirdest one by far was a book on 'How to complete Open Heart Surgery'...I have NO idea what he was thinking that day but he does make me smile (sometimes in pure puzzlement - is that actually a word or not?)

Lately my presents have been less the chocolate and champagne type and more 'natural'...

This week I had a lovely bunch of flowers from Lou - thank you Lou and it was so lovely to see you as well - despite the fact you only really came to see Dizzie! Still who can actually resist him, he's so lovely I'm not even bothered that you preferred to visit him instead of me - lol.....


The real reason for Lou's visit below....:-)



Then tonight the gorgeous Loretta - (Leanne's sister) - came round for dinner and presented me with a lovely tray of veggies that she's grown herself on her plot.
I'm seriously impressed Loretta - this time last year she didn't have a clue about home grown veg and now she's able to say 'What would you like, I've got tons of different stuff'...Brilliant, just brilliant.
Here's a pic of Loretta's homegrown........



Actually, thinking about it my Sister came with veggie's from Greece and Jac recently turned up with a huge box of organic veg, so I was thinking how lucky I am to have friends who get me useful, tasty and healthy stuff rather than boring ol' chocolates... :-))
Thank you x

Monday, 16th - Dj saved a life :-)

Djamel wants me to share this with you all -he's a 'life saver'....

Around lunch time today he came to the kitchen and asked what Dizzie the cat was doing in my room banging around and scratching everywhere (Dj's not allowed in my bedroom at the moment as it's almost his birthday and sometimes things are in there that he's not allowed to see, so initially I thought he was just finding a way to try to get inside)

I told him that Dizzie wasn't doing anything in my room because Dizzie wasn't inside, he was out in the garden. At this point he looks genuinely scared and says 'Well what exactly is making that strange noise inside your room then?'

We go together - me expecting to hear nothing but he's right....a really strange banging/scratching noise is coming from inside the fireplace!
Blast! must be a bird that's fallen down the chimney...but then I get this other mad idea that maybe it's a rat or something dodgy....the scratching really doesn't sound like a bird at all.

So together we move furniture and peek inside the vent with a torch to see.... a young starling that's fallen down inside.

I ring Rab and he says he'll be about half an hour (he's the one that deals with things like stray birds in fireplaces - I don't 'do' things like that because I'm too scared of hurting them/damaging wings etc when I get them out).

Djamel being his normal (impatient) helpful self decides to unscrew the vent so when Dad gets home there's less for him to do. I tell him to only take 2 screws (so of course he takes 3!)....



Two minutes after Rab gets home the bird pecks at the vent determined to try and escape and it comes flying off and the starling is then frantically flying around our bedroom like a crazed thing bumping into everything and pecking whatever he lands on in his blind panic.

Rab's running from one side of the room to the other attempting to catch him, Djamel is shrieking and saying 'No daddy, this way - oops, no actually 'this' way now, over here, look over there, now he's gone this way' and Rab says 'Look, I'll catch him but you need to just shhhhh! for a minute' (in other words, just BE QUIET for one minute) LOL.

Eventually after about 10 minutes, I say let's just open the window and see if he'll go out himself - so the daft bird then crashes into the closed window and stuns himself - Rab grabs him quickly....much to Djamel's delight.
Rab calms the bird down, who then repays him by pecking him really hard on the finger - at this point Rab decides time for him to go and releases him out of the window to freedom.



Djamel says 'I saved his life' ....

Just another normal day then :-)

Disappointed ...to say the least

I'm really unable to talk about the effect this has had on me emotionally at the moment but yesterday I had my appointment at an alternative hospital for a 2nd opinion.

I saw a very nice, very kind consultant Mr K who explained in his opinion that there was NO alternative for me. The tumour is sited too low to even attempt any alternative treatment so it has to be removal of the whole area and this of course means a permanent colostomy bag and stoma.
He said it was a very 'unfortunate' cancer (which basically means hard to treat, hard to stop reoccurance, hard on me)...
He went on to say that even if the tumour appears to have died, I should still have the op incase it comes back again - however........we'll cross that bridge if we ever get to it.

Emotionally I'm wrecked, this was the 'last chance saloon' really and now I have to face facts.
Hard, so hard and I've cried so much now in the past 24 hours that I find myself thinking I must be all cried out now -then I cry some more. I guess I have to do this until I am all cried out - then move on.

It's not just the bag, although that's a HUGE part of it all, it's the idea of my intestines poking through my stomach for the rest of my life (however long that may or may not be), it's the thought of the pain involved in this operation - I was informed right at the start this is an extremely painful procedure and one that takes months to start to recover from, it's also about other damage they can cause whilst carrying out this op, it's also the psycological side of things, the way I now feel about myself and I don't feel I can, or want to, cope with this at all.

Enough for now - thanks everyone for the support. I'll be back when I've regained some control over my emotional state.
Much luv xx

Update re: 2nd opinion

YAY! Got a telephone call today from the hospital GP has referred me.

I have an appointment with Mr K tomorrow at 11.00am. Yippee! That didn't take long! I was truly expecting to have to go back to the GP next week and ask for it to be chased up.

The hospital is further away than I thought but that makes it all the better as far as I'm concerned. That way I'm unlikely to come across the 'same' team of consultants as the previous ones.

So fingers crossed please, candles lit, positive thoughts and prayers all welcomed. Thanks for the ongoing support everyone, so appreciated.

I'm now scared but happy - does that make sense?

I do know that if the prognosis is exactly the same as before I WILL be having the operation.
I know there's been some concern that I may not make the right decision but I promise I'll do the thing that is best for me, gives me the longest chance of survival and the best quality of life available.

Update as and when I know more.
Much luv to all xxx

It's official, I'm an inconvenience!

Update re: my appointments today.

Had my MRI at 7.00am this morning - 1st there so easy peasy, in and out in half an hour. Then went on to have the CT Scan, delays there as they were short staffed this morning (as the nurse kept saying to everyone, over and over again). My appointment was 7.50am and finally got out at 9.30am - but all done now.
No results until the 25th August though.

Then after coming home for a quick breakfast went to the GP to sort out my 2nd opinion and other bits. Saw a GP I'm not familiar with and didn't exactly get the response I was hoping for to be honest.

I explained that I wanted a 2nd opinion because the operation is so drastic and can't be reversed afterwards, therefore to set my mind at rest I have to be sure it's the right thing for me and really the only option available.
He looked puzzled (irritated puzzled actually - that sort of 'you shouldn't need to question' look) and asked why I didn't just talk to my surgical team at Kings because they could arrange for me to have a 2nd opinion there.
I explained that I wanted an independent 2nd opinion - separate from where I've had any treatment so far and I didn't feel that seeing another member of the same team was the right way to go for me.

He then said 'They are the best in London, you should be able to accept what they tell you. You can see someone else in the same team who can reassure you that it's the right thing to do'

I stood my ground and said 'No, I actually do want to be seen elsewhere by someone who has had no input whatsoever into my diagnosis or treatment plan'.
I went on to explain that the decision to go for the APR (complete removal of rectum/anus) was made prior to my MRI results being available and prior to me receiving any Radiotherapy to reduce the tumour and because of that I want to see someone else just to clarify that I have no alternative less drastic options.

Lots of deep sighing, irritated expressions from the GP and then he said 'It's inconvenient to start the process all over again when you could just see someone from the team that's been dealing with you'

I looked him in the eye and said 'Inconvenient? For YOU? What about me, my care, my health and well being? This is not something they can put back once it's removed and it's my RIGHT to have a 2nd opinion so that's what I want'. He then turned back to the computer and said you can go to one of these choices then - so I chose one that I've not been involved with so far.
I mentioned the dodgy ache and he checked the scan results and said there was nothing there in April so it's unlikely there's anything there now - I couldn't be bothered to push it by this point.

I wanted to talk to the GP about other things too but to be honest by the time we'd got this far I was too stressed to want to say anything else to him, so I left.

So I think it's now official, I'm an inconvenience and a nuisance !!! Oh well, I can live with that :-)

My Sister Went Home :-(

As you know my lovely sister, Sarah, was here for the past two and a half weeks. It was really lovely to see her and be able to spend some proper time discussing various things.
Phone calls aren't the same, neither is Skype..... (my Skype has a rubbish connection and kept jamming but will be having another go now we've got the replacement router) so spending proper time with her was a real treat :-)
Thanks Sis - for everything xxxx

So now for an update I suppose - I'm still feeling well in myself. No pain to talk about in the tumour site, just the weird dodgy ache on the left side of my chest area. Today it's moved round to the back just under the shoulder blades which makes me think it can't be anything too much to worry about if it's moving around.
I have made an appointment with the GP for after the scans on Tuesday and I'll mention it then and see what they think. Ideally I'd like to be rescanned in that area - just in-case!
I am also discussing with my GP my options with regard to arranging a 2nd opinion - at a hospital not connected to either of the ones I've been under so far.

On Tuesday morning I have my CT scan @ 7.15am and MRI scan @ 8.00am - these will be used to decide on surgery options. I won't get any idea of results until the 25th August so am just keeping my fingers crossed that there's been a huge improvement in tumour size since April - because that means I've then got some extra time on my side.

Rab is of the opinion that we must question everything they say, we must explore all options and not allow myself to be pushed into any decision that doesn't feel right.... Initially I was worried about discussing my concerns with him incase he felt that I was saying 'I give up, I don't want surgery therefore I just give up' - which of course is NOT the case. I haven't given up in any way, shape or form but I have to know the extensive surgery is absolutely right, for me.
He is 100% behind me and is of the opinion that all options must be looked into before any decisions are set in stone.

I had a phone chat on Sunday with a lady in London that I was put into touch with by Dr K. She also has rectal cancer and gave me some really good tips, both about health and also about options.
It helps to talk to someone who's on the same page as me ideas wise and also who is ahead of me treatment wise. I'm looking forward to being able to meet up with her in the near future.

Went off with Dj today and picked up the last bits for his school uniform - PE kit & bag, more trousers - another £45 lighter after those few bits. Mostly done now though apart from his maths set and sorting out his pens/pencils etc. He has sooo much stationary here that he could probably fill pencil cases for every kid in his class!!

Shoes and trainers will be sorted a bit nearer the time, I'm always reluctant to buy them too far ahead because sometimes feet seem to grow an inch during the last week of the holidays.
I'll get Dj to pose for a picture in his new school uniform soon and add it onto the blog. He looks really grown up and I wonder exactly where the last (almost) 11 years have gone.

Anyway, off to do bits and pieces now and try not to think about scans tomorrow :-) Thanks to everyone for the good wishes and for keeping fingers, toes and everything else crossed for me. As I've said often enough, so much now depends on tomorrow! x

New Thoughts from Dj......:-)

At bedtime the other night Dj started talking about Radiotherapy again - he asked if I would ever have the treatment again if they said it was absolutely necessary.

I agreed that, despite the fact I now know how uncomfortable it is, yes if absolutely necessary I'd have more sessions...he looked at me thoughtfully and said 'Sometimes Radiotherapy can do more harm than you realise, you might turn into a radioactive mutant or something'....:-)))

Now there's a reassuring thought eh...mutant mummy.


On Saturday I asked Dj if he fancied going for a walk over on the Common because part of my daily health routine is getting some decent vitamin D from sunshine/natural light.
He said that would be good - then turned and said 'Are you going to walk barefoot in the grass and reconnect with the natural forces of nature?'....I looked at him (in shocked amazement really) and said
'Well noooo, I was just planning on going for a walk really'
'Good' he says, 'I don't want people taking the pee when we're out. If you're getting into barefoot grass walking you'll have to walk ahead of me and I'll just pretend I don't know you, and I'm not helping if you end up with dog poo on your feet either'

I remind him at this point that he was the one reading the 'Healing Book' and chanting his mantra to cure his eczema meanwhile I've not even had a chance to pick it up for a read yet...
He replies 'That's because you're too busy reading about wheatgrass - just stay off the grass ok'!...


Actually wheatgrass is fantastic....from this.....


to this in just FIVE days. Amazing little seeds :-) I shall be juicing my own crop shortly (Dj won't be having any)

1st Wedding Anniversary

Many congratulations to my gorgeous James and his lovely wife Leanne for their 1st Wedding Anniversary today.

I couldn't ask for a better son and daughter in law - you're both simply perfect.

It really doesn't feel like a year ago - time flies eh :-)